Chapter 2

Sunday night was complete torture. I only got two hours of sleep before my dreams started. Tonight’s dream was different. I was in the car with my parents, but I wasn’t the terrified eight year old. I was nineteen. Every time I dreamed about the accident, I would simply just relive it. My mom was turned around in the front seat and talking about Bella.

“Edward, she is such a lovely girl. Please tell me you still have my ring and are planning to give it to her.”

“I love her so much, Mom. Esme has been keeping your ring safe for me. I will be giving it to Bella over Christmas break.”

“I’m so glad the Cullens found you. I couldn’t have picked a better man and woman to raise you. We are so proud of you, son. You have grown up to be a fine young man.” A tear rolled down my mother’s cheek.

I was leaning in to hug my mother when my dream turned into a nightmare. My father turned around to look at me but I was not facing Edward Masen. James was in my father’s place. “Hello, Edward. You may have saved Bella, but you were never able to save your mother. Now I get to spend eternity torturing her.”

I wanted to jump in the front seat and protect my mother from James, but I couldn’t. The seatbelts in the backseat wrapped around me. I struggled to get free. It was no use. I had to sit there and watch James torture my mother. I was screaming and crying for him to leave her alone. James pulled a red scarf from his pocket and dangled it in front of my face before he placed it over my mother’s eyes. I let out a primal scream and sat up. I was drenched in sweat and my heart was pounding.

“Edward, what’s wrong?” Bella was clearly shaken.

“Nothing, love. Go back to sleep.” I kissed her forehead and wrapped her in my arms.

“I’m not stupid, Edward. You are soaked in sweat and you were screaming. What were you dreaming about?” Bella slowly stroked my cheek.

“It was nothing. Please go back to sleep.” Bella had seemed so serene the past few days. I didn’t want to upset her with my nightmares.

“Don’t shut me out, Edward. I know you haven’t been sleeping. The circles under your eyes get darker every day. Did you forget that I lived with little sleep for three years? I know all the signs. Please talk to me. I want to help.” I melted when I looked into her eyes. She was so sincere. How could I burden my angel with my fears?

“Bella, you don’t need to worry about me. It was just a silly dream. I will be fine.” I gently kissed her lips and started humming her song.

“No. I’m not going back to sleep. You are going to talk to me. Damnit, Edward, I love you and refuse to let you do this.” I forgot how stubborn Bella could be.

“Bella, it’s late. There really isn’t time to get into my dreams.”

“I don’t care about how late it is. I want to know what is bothering you. Please, let me help.” Bella stuck her bottom lip out and gave me her best Cullen pout. She was absolutely adorable.

“How about a compromise? We go back to sleep and then tomorrow after classes I’ll tell you all about my dream. Will that work?”

“I guess so. I won’t forget. Tomorrow after classes you are all mine, and you will tell me everything.”

I didn’t sleep the rest of the night. I held Bella in my arms and thought about my dream. I had been missing my mom so much since Bella came into my life. I knew my mother would’ve loved her. My dream had been unbelievable until James showed up. I should’ve known that even in death he would find a way to make my life miserable.

I hadn’t had nightmares about my parents’ death since I was ten. That was when I learned to shut myself off from everyone. I found it the easiest way to deal with my loss and stop the nightmares. I had slowly opened myself up to Bella after I met her. The nightmares had stayed away until now.

I wondered how long it would take both of us to fully recover from all of the damage James had caused. I knew as long as I had Bella by my side I would get past it. I just needed time to work it all out. I just hoped Bella could hang in there until then.

The alarm finally went off, and Bella reached over to shut it off. She turned back into my arms and snuggled into my neck.

“Did you get any sleep last night after your nightmare?” she asked between kisses.

“No, love. Don’t worry. I’ll be okay. Hopefully tonight will be better.” I gently kissed her lips and dragged her out of bed.

I still insisted on escorting her to her classes. I knew James was gone, but I couldn’t shake the bad feeling I was having. It was the same feeling I had the day Bella left to meet James. There was no way in hell that I was going to ignore that feeling again. I was so thankful that my classes were all cut short. My professors quickly went over a few things that would be included on the final and let us go. Luckily, all of my professors didn’t want to see us until the day of the final.

I was headed across campus to wait for Bella when I that bad feeling became unbearable. I started running toward her class. I knew something wasn’t right. I couldn’t believe what I saw when I finally reached the building her class was in. Bella was on the ground cradling her left arm, and some guy was hovering over her. I pushed my legs to run faster. I had to get to Bella.

“What the hell is going on?” I yelled as I got closer. Bella looked at me and had a few tears rolling down her cheek.

I finally reached Bella and shoved the guy out of the way. “What did you do to my girlfriend?”

He put his hands up palms facing me to show he was backing off. “Look man, I wasn’t watching where I was going and accidentally ran into her. I was trying to help her up when you ran over here and went all caveman on me.”

“Maybe you should watch where you’re going next time,” I spat.

He looked at Bella, “I’m really sorry I knocked you down. Obviously Prince Charming here will make sure you’re okay.”

“Edward, I’m fine. I just scraped my elbow.” I gathered Bella’s books and put them back in her bag. I put it over my shoulder and helped her up. She was all right; her elbow was just scraped. I pulled her into a tight hug.

“I’m sorry, Bella. I just panicked when I saw you on the ground crying and that guy standing over you.”

She sighed. “Edward, you need to calm down. Not every guy is James. They don’t all want to rape and kill me.”

“I know. It’s going to take me a while to not panic when I see something like that. Please be patient with me, love.” I placed a quick kiss on her forehead and led her to our dorm.

I was so nervous when we closed the door to our room. I was dreading the inevitable conversation that was creeping up on me. We had pizza delivered. Once we finished eating, Bella sat on the bed and pulled me down next to her. She grabbed both my hands and started the dreaded talk.

“Edward, please tell me about your nightmares. It kills me to see you in such pain.” She kissed both of my hands.

I sighed and looked into her eyes. “Do you remember me telling you that I was adopted?”

“Yes. You never told me anything about why,” she whispered.

I told Bella about the accident that claimed my parents’ lives. She stayed quiet through my story, and I noticed a few tears escape from her eyes. She smiled when I mentioned Carlisle visiting me in the ER. She truly loved my family. I squeezed her hands and gave her a sad smile when I finished telling her about shutting myself off to the world.

“Edward, please don’t ever shut me out like that. I couldn’t handle it if you ever did.”

“I don’t think I ever could. You are my reason for living. As long as you are in my life, I have no reason to shut down.” I gave her a tender kiss.

“Can you tell me about your nightmares now?”

She listened intently as I told her how I had been dreaming the last few nights about not getting to her in time. She gasped. I could see the sadness in her eyes. “I’m so sorry you’ve been dreaming about what could’ve happened that horrible night.”

“Last night’s dream was different. I dreamed in was in the car with parents the night of the accident, except I wasn’t that naïve eight year old. I was nineteen, and my mom was talking to me about you. I was overjoyed. I’ve been missing my mom since you stumbled into my life. I kept wishing she was here so I could tell her all about the wonderful woman who has captured my heart.” I kissed her hand and continued. “My mom said she really liked you and hoped I would ask you to marry me. Then she told me how pleased she was with Carlisle and Esme. She was proud of the man I had become.” I couldn’t stop the tears that started to fall.

Bella gently wiped my tears away and leaned her forehead against mine. “Edward, I’m sure she’s been watching you from heaven and meant every word she said in your dream. She should be proud of you. Not just anyone would have saved me the way you did.”

“I’m not done with my dream. I wish my dream would have ended there.” I shuddered as I thought about the end of my dream.

Bella was speechless when I told her about James and how he tortured my mother. She was shaking when I told her how I was bound to the seat by the seatbelts. She pulled me close to her and held me with all the strength she possessed. She started sobbing.

“It’s okay, love. I woke up when he put a red scarf over my mother’s eyes. I would rather dream of the accident every night the rest of my life than see James hurt my mother again.”

“Oh, Edward,” she sobbed. “I’m so sorry my screwed up life has done this to you.”

“Shh, Bella. Please don’t. This is why I didn’t want to tell you. It’s not your fault. This is just my screwed up head’s way of dealing with what happened.” I rubbed her back trying to soothe her.

“I ruin everyone’s life I touch. Edward, you should run away from me as fast as you can before I can make your life worse,” she sniffed.

“I don’t ever want to hear you say that again. You haven’t ruined my life. You actually saved it. I would still be a lifeless zombie if you hadn’t come into my life. Alice, Esme, and Emmett would kill me if I ever let you get away from me.” I held her tighter.

“I guess I can’t let them plot your demise. Besides, I kinda like having you around at night,” she smirked.

That smirk told me we were done with the serious conversation. We enjoyed the rest of the evening just cuddling and talking about our finals. I was anxious to get past finals and finally have Bella back at my house. We always seemed to forget our worries at home. We finally turned off the lights and attempted to sleep around ten. I said a silent prayer that the dreams would stop before I finally drifted into unconsciousness.

My eyes shot open and I was sweating again. I glanced at the clock and saw it was three o’clock. I was surprised to get that much sleep. My dream started with James hurting Bella and slowly drifted into the night of the accident that killed my parents. I was thankful that I didn’t have to see James kill Bella or my mother. It would’ve been unbearable to see both of them dead.

Bella didn’t know I was awake when the alarm went off. I kept my eyes closed. I didn’t want her to worry. I think our talk did help. I got more sleep last night than I had in a week. I loved the beautiful smile that graced her face when I opened my eyes. She seemed relieved at the thought of me actually getting some sleep. I would do my best to keep that smile in place.

I didn’t have any classes, so I went to the gym with Emmett and Jasper while Bella attended hers. I missed just hanging with the guys. We always seemed to drift apart when soccer season was over. We were taking turns spotting each other when the guys ambushed me.

“So, Eddie, I think it is time we have a serious talk about safe sex.”

“Em, you’re a little late. Dad had that talk with me about six years ago,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“Yeah, but you weren’t having sex then. I don’t think the world is ready to have little Eddies and Bellas running around.”

“Don’t worry, Em. We’re covered. Trust me; the last thing I want right now is a kid. I love Bella, but neither one of us is ready for that.”

“How is she doing?” Jasper asked.

“She’s doing great. She sleeps so peacefully, and she’s having pleasant dreams. I think James dying was the best thing that could’ve happened to her.”

“Then what’s wrong? Something isn’t quite right with you, man. I can’t put my finger on it, but something is off.” I forgot how perceptive Jasper could be. I guess Emmett’s discussion was meant to distract me so I would talk.

“Nothing’s wrong,” I lied. They didn’t need to worry about me. It was bad enough Bella knew. I needed to change the subject. “So, you guys staying in the dorm next semester?”

Jasper gave me a frustrated look but understood that I wouldn’t be talking anytime soon. “We were thinking about getting an apartment. I am so tired of dorm life,” Emmett sighed.

“Yeah, I plan on talking with the head of housing. I heard that there is an apartment opening up next semester in the Birchwood Apartments. Hopefully he’ll be sympathetic to our situation. I don’t think I can come back to the dorms after Christmas.” I shuddered at the thought.

“I don’t blame you, man. Bella has been through enough these past few months. I think she needs a change of scenery next semester to help her heal.” Jasper’s comments made me feel better about wanting to get Bella out of the dorms. I hadn’t talked to her yet, but I really didn’t see her having a problem with the change. So, you two gonna get an apartment together, or are you getting something with the girls?”

“We’re not really sure yet. We’re planning on talking with the girls tonight. I know they can’t bear the thought of being in the dorms either. Especially Rose. She still has nightmares about Tanya’s death. I hope getting away from the dorm will help stop them.” Emmett actually looked helpless. I had never seen him look so lost. I didn’t realize how much he truly loved Rose until that moment.

“Em, she doesn’t have nightmares about you anymore, so I’m sure she’ll get over it,” I teased. He smacked me on my arm, and we continued our workout. I missed hanging with the guys. I still missed Bella, but I realized that guy time was important. We finished up at the gym and agreed to set up a time once a week to work out and do guy things.

The rest of the week dragged. I spent most of the days studying for finals and the nights holding Bella and fighting off sleep. I couldn’t bear the thought of closing my eyes and seeing James again. If he wasn’t hurting Bella, then he was hurting my mother. I couldn’t take it anymore. I usually stayed awake by composing in my head. I had completed my third masterpiece by Thursday night. I couldn’t wait to get home and get the compositions down on paper.

I caught Bella staring at me disapprovingly on Friday morning. I know the circles under my eyes were getting worse. I was getting more irritable as well. I was trying my best to hold on until we left the dorm. I was hoping that being back home would stop the nightmares and I would be able to sleep.

Bella’s phone started ringing and I recognized Tommy’s ringtone.

“Hey, little brother,” she answered cheerily.

“Yeah, Edward is here.” There was a pause. “Sure, hang on a sec.” Bella put the phone on speaker. “Go ahead. You’re on speaker.”

“Would you guys be able to come to Forks for just a day? I want you guys to meet my new girlfriend.” I thought Tommy was dating some girl named Bitt.

“I thought Bitt was your girlfriend,” Bella stated, confused.

“Oh. Sorry, I forgot you didn’t know. Bitt and I are better off as friends. The funny thing is we were both feeling the same way. She is a phenomenal kisser, but unfortunately kissing alone isn’t enough to base a relationship on. We’re still best friends.” I was very impressed with Tommy. Most guys would ignore that the relationship wasn’t working just to see how far the girl would go with him.

“I’m sorry things didn’t work out for you and Bitt. I really like her,” Bella said.

“Don’t worry, sis. She’ll still be around. She actually introduced me to Drew.”

“So, your new girlfriend is Drew?” Bella asked.

“Yep.”

“Tommy, our last final is on Tuesday morning, so we could be in Forks by five. How ‘bout we all go out to eat?” I needed to get Bella to class, so I decided to bring the call to a close.

“That would be great. Drew gets out of class at four, so we could meet her at Bella Italia around seven for dinner,” Tommy said.

“Where does Drew go to school?” Bella sounded confused.

“Peninsula College in Port Angeles,” he answered proudly.

“Oh. I definitely want to meet her. We’ll be there by five at the latest. I gotta head to class. Love ya, little brother.”

“Love ya too, sis. Later, Edward.”

“See ya, Tommy.” We hung up and rushed out the door to Bella’s class.

I needed to come up with a way to get some sleep this weekend. There was no way I would be able to concentrate on my finals if I kept dozing off, and the drive to Forks on Tuesday would be brutal if I was exhausted. It was time for me to call Carlisle and ask for help. I hated to do it. I would have to tell him everything in order for him to help me. I grudgingly grabbed my phone and dialed his number.

“Hello, Edward. Is Bella well?”

“Yeah, she’s actually perfect. We can’t wait to finish our exams and get away from here for a while. We’re taking a quick trip to Forks but should be home late Wednesday.”

“Esme can’t wait to have everyone back home. I know you don’t want to talk about your mother, so why don’t you tell me why you called,” Carlisle stated.

“Well, I’ve been having trouble sleeping. I was hoping you would be able to help me out a little,” I said meekly.

“Why haven’t you been sleeping? I can’t just write you a script because you say you need it.”

“I know. I’ve been getting only two hours of sleep each night due to nightmares. I don’t have time to deal with them properly until after finals. I promise once we get home from Forks I’ll make an appointment with Dr. Young. Please, just help me out until I can do that,” I begged.

“Edward, I’m happy to see you admitting your weakness. I remember a few years ago you would have denied having any problems until we forced you to. I will call you in a script that will get you through Wednesday night. Go ahead and call Dr. Young’s office and set up an appointment for next week. Please tell Bella what is going on. I’m sure she will want to accompany you to Dr. Young’s office and wait through your appointment.”

“Bella already knows everything. There was no way to hide it from her when I woke her up screaming. She handled it all pretty well. Knowing her, she’ll be happy that I’m going to make an appointment with my therapist.”

“I’m glad to hear that you are being so open with Bella. That is the basis for a strong relationship. I need to get back to work. Good luck on your exams and give Bella a hug for Esme and me.”

“Thanks for your help, Dad. Any sleep I can get will make the drive to and from Forks a lot safer for us.” I ended the call and made an appointment at Dr. Young’s office for next Thursday.

I was waiting at the pharmacy and starting thinking about our night in Forks. Tommy sounded really happy to introduce his new girlfriend to Bella. I remember feeling like that the first time we brought Bella home. She wasn’t mine at the time, but I was so excited for Mom and Dad to meet her. I wondered if Charlie had met Drew yet.

Thinking of Charlie made me realize that this impromptu trip to Forks would work out better than I could’ve imagined. I would get the chance to talk to Charlie face to face and prepare him for my proposal to Bella. There was no way in hell I wasn’t going to hold up my end of the deal with him. The thought of Charlie pointing a loaded gun at me terrified me.

I grabbed my prescription and hurried back to campus to pick Bella up from her last class of the day. I needed to let her know about my conversation with Carlisle. There needed to be no secrets between us. I needed her full support to overcome my nightmares and go back to a normal life. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw her walk out of her class.

We embraced quickly and headed to the dining hall to grab a quick bite to go. I agonized over how to tell Bella that I would be taking sleeping pills for the next week. I felt so weak relying on medication to sleep. My nerves jumped into overdrive when we stepped into our room. They were so bad that I picked over my food. Bella noticed me not eating.

“Edward, is something wrong? You’ve barely touched your dinner.” She rubbed soothing circles on my hand while she spoke.

“Actually, I need to talk to you about something. You know I haven’t been sleeping the past week.” She nodded her head yes. “Well, I called Carlisle today, and he called me in a prescription for sleeping pills. He only wrote them through Wednesday night. I have an appointment with my therapist on Thursday. I want to get past these nightmares and not be dependent on narcotics to rest.” I held my head down in shame.

Bella grabbed my face between both of her hands and forced me to look at her. “I’m so proud of you. I was worried you would let this eat away at you and slowly drift away from me. I couldn’t handle watching you deteriorate. I love you too much. So, did Dr. Young help you after your parents died?”

“No. I started seeing her when I turned sixteen. I was terrified to learn how to drive. I was afraid of being in an accident that would result in someone dying. I had no problem riding in a car, but the thought of driving freaked me out. I would be bumming rides or taking the bus everywhere if it hadn’t been for her.”

Bella pulled me into a tight hug. “I’m glad you told me about that. I want to know everything about you. Please don’t ever hold back.”

“I promise.”

I took a sleeping pill after I ate dinner. We spent the next hour studying for our finals. My head started getting foggy, and I knew the medication was starting to take effect. Bella and I quickly changed and cuddled under the covers. I fell asleep shortly after my head hit the pillow and slept dreamlessly all night.