Chapter 6

Bella was restless the entire night after receiving Victoria’s text message. I tried my best to soothe her every time she would whimper. I would kiss her forehead, whisper my love and promises to keep her safe in her ear, and hum her song. She finally started to wake at eight. Her eyes weren’t as bright as they had been the last few weeks, and it killed me to see her lose that sparkle.

“Morning, love.” I placed a gentle kiss on her lips.

“Mmm. Morning,” she said, sleepily.

“You were restless last night. Want to tell me about it?” I sat up, pulled her into my lap, and stroked her hair.

“Every time I would finally drift into sleep I would see James with a shadowy figure. I couldn’t get a clear picture of the person he was with, but I could tell it was a woman. They would laugh and comment about finally getting rid of poor Bella and her nuisance Edward.” Bella sniffed and threw her arms around my neck.

“She will never touch you, Bella. I will keep you safe.”

I rocked her in my arms a few moments before Bella pulled back and looked at me. “Are you ready to tell me about your parents?”

I sighed. “I know we need to talk about my parents and the accident, but I really don’t want to ruin Christmas. Can we put that off until Friday? I want to enjoy Christmas with my fiancée and make some wonderful memories.”

She nodded her head in agreement and started to get ready for the day. I lay in bed a while longer thinking about my parents. Holidays were the times I always missed them the most. Elizabeth loved Christmas. Our house was always decorated from floor to ceiling. We would spend Christmas Eve delivering gifts to the children in the hospital and singing Christmas carols in the community room with them. It was always just Mom, Dad, and I on Christmas Day. They refused to let anyone or anything interrupt. Dad always turned his pager off and unplugged the phone that day.

Bella’s soft lips on mine brought me out of my memories. “I’m gonna head downstairs and help Esme with breakfast.”

“Okay, love. I’ll meet you down there when I’m done getting dressed.”

I took my time in the shower. I was exhausted from my restless night and let the hot water relax my tense muscles. I was also worried about talking to Bella about the accident that killed my parents. That accident was nothing compared to the hell she has lived through. Could she honestly understand why it upset me? Would she just roll her eyes and tell me to get over it? Surely my Bella wouldn’t react that way.

I had to stop thinking about it. I was getting tense again. I didn’t want to ruin Christmas by being moody. I took a few deep breaths before I turned off the water and finished getting ready for the day. I quickly hid my fears and anxiety behind my smile and headed to the kitchen.

I stopped in the doorway and marveled at the sight before me. Esme and Bella were side by side rolling out some kind of dough. They were laughing and talking animatedly. I loved seeing Bella this happy. I decided that I would do anything in my power to ensure she was always this happy.

I walked behind Bella and wrapped my arms around her waist. “What are you two laughing about, love?”

“I was telling Mom about some of my past Christmases. Tommy can be quite entertaining,” she giggled.

“I would love to hear some of the stories too.” I gently kissed the back of Bella’s neck. She shuddered and turned in my arms.

“I promise to share all of my memories with you, but right now Mom and I need to finish the cinnamon bread. If we don’t get it in the oven soon we’ll be having lunch instead of breakfast.”

“So, what are the plans for today?” I sat on a barstool and waited for an answer.

“You know that we normally just spend the day playing games and just being a family.” I nodded, and Esme continued. “Well, Bella has a few Christmas Eve traditions we will be starting as our own,” Esme said, smiling.

“What wonderful new traditions will our family be starting?”

Bella cleared her throat and looked up from her bread. “It is tradition in the Swan household to make homemade hot chocolate from Granny Swan’s special recipe, put it in a thermos, and drive around for about an hour looking at Christmas lights. We have a neighborhood in Forks that goes all out on decorations and lights for Christmas. It’s so much fun to see what everyone adds each year. Once we are done with that, we go home and open one gift. I buy one new Christmas movie every year. That’s the gift we open, and we spend the rest of the night watching that movie.”

“I’m so excited. We’ve never done anything special for Christmas Eve. I love starting new traditions.” Esme was beaming.

“That sounds great, Bella. What movie did you get this year?” I snatched a piece of dough and Bella swatted my hand.

“Keep your hands away from the bread. I can’t tell you what movie I bought. It wouldn’t be a surprise, but I promise that you will love it.”

Everyone else made their way to the kitchen. Bella filled my family in on our new tradition. They were excited and couldn’t wait until the sun set.

“It’s nice to see you bringing a little culture to your future family, Bells,” Charlie teased.

“I’m easing them into it, Pops. I figure the bloody fried chicken tradition can wait for another year,” she smirked.

Charlie’s face turned bright red. “There’s no need to be bringing that up,” he huffed.

“You can’t make a comment like that and leave us hanging. Spill, Swan,” Emmett insisted.

Charlie sighed. “Things were tough our first Christmas after Renee died. The kids missed her terribly, and Bella was in no condition to even appreciate Christmas. I decided to skip the holiday that year. We didn’t decorate, buy gifts, or follow any of our traditions. Christmas Day I attempted to make fried chicken. Please note that I am not a cook. Any attempts at cooking usually end with a visit from the fire department. Anyway, I worked hard in the kitchen for two hours working from my mom’s recipe. The chicken fried fast. I burnt every piece. It wasn’t too bad, so I decided to put it on the table and call the kids down to eat. They both grimaced when they saw the blackened pieces of chicken but graciously sat at the table anyway. We all filled our plates, and the kids watched for me to take the first bite. I picked up a chicken leg, inspected it, and took a big bite. I spit it out as fast as I closed my mouth. The outside was burnt to a crisp, but the inside was raw. The kids burst out laughing. Dinner was a disaster, but it was the first time the three of us laughed since they got home.”

Emmett was roaring with laughter. “Note to self, don’t ever eat any food cooked, and I use that term loosely, by Charlie.”

Bella was holding her sides and laughing hard. “You didn’t even tell them the best part, Dad.”

Charlie grumbled and continued the story. “Apparently I hadn’t turned the heat off under the frying pan, and somehow a fire started. I told you all my cooking attempts end with a visit from the fire department. The neighbors must’ve heard the smoke detector going off and called the fire department. They walked into the house and burst out in laughter when they saw me flustered and fanning the flames rather than smothering them. They showed me how to properly put out a grease fire and invited us to the firehouse for Christmas dinner. This is the first year since then that we won’t be joining the guys on Christmas Day to eat.”

“I’ll make sure and stop by and tell the guys hi and Merry Christmas when we get in town on Monday,” Bella said.

“They’d love to see ya, Bells. They are so proud of you for getting that scholarship and going to such a great school.”

We spent the day with my family telling stories of past Christmases. It was wonderful hearing Charlie and Tommy tell me all about Bella as a child. I wish I could’ve known her before the tragedy of losing her mother. I loved watching her listen to my family’s stories. She was so emotionally involved in each one. She cried when Alice didn’t get the doll she wanted, laughed when Emmett was able to pull a prank on me, and “awed” when Carlisle told the story of giving Esme a mother’s ring. I found myself falling more in love with this amazing woman every day.

The sun was finally starting to set, and Bella and I went into the kitchen to make the hot chocolate. It amazed me that she didn’t need a recipe to follow. She said she learned how to make it when she was five and never forgot. She was truly beautiful when she was immersed in cooking. She loved it and it showed.

Fifteen minutes later we each had our thermos of hot chocolate and were bundled up and loading into the cars to look at Christmas lights. Once Rose and Jasper had become permanent fixtures in our lives, my parents purchased a Suburban. They wanted us to be able to travel together when necessary. Carlisle, Esme, Tommy, Charlie, Bella, and I all piled into the Suburban. Alice, Jasper, Rose, and Emmett rode in Emmett’s Jeep.

One of the doctors at the hospital told Carlisle about a neighborhood in Portland with amazing Christmas displays. The homeowners association held a contest every year, and the residents would go all out attempting to win it. The displays were amazing. Most houses were decorated with a ton of lights and Santa displays.

My favorite house had a live nativity scene. We parked the vehicles and went up to the house to get a closer look. It was amazing. There were Mary, Joseph, a shepherd, and an angel. They even had a goat and donkey roaming the yard. We spoke with the homeowners for a while. They enjoyed Bella’s hot chocolate. Of course, she shared her recipe with the woman. They were very nice people. After thirty minutes, we decided to head home. We would definitely remember this neighborhood and come back next year.

Bella practically jumped out of the car when we got home. She was anxious to get to her next tradition. We went to the kitchen first and made a ton of popcorn. Then we settled into our seats with our popcorn and sodas. Bella jumped to the tree and pulled out the gift to open tonight. She handed it to me with a shy smile.

“I love you with all my heart, Edward. Starting tonight we will always open one gift on Christmas Eve. I hope you like it. It’s one of my favorites and a great place to start our collection.”

I smiled at Bella and started ripping the paper off the package. My eyes lit up and my smile grew when I saw A Christmas Story DVD in my hands. “This is perfect, love.” I pulled her into my arms and gave her a chaste kiss.

“Well, what is it?” Emmett whined.

I held the movie up for everyone to see. Emmett did a fist pump. “Excellent!”

Everyone got comfortable, and we started the movie. It had always been a favorite in my family. Emmett, of course, couldn’t resist repeating some of the more famous lines as they came up in the movie. It was really nice spending the evening watching a holiday movie with my family. This was one tradition I loved and was so happy Bella shared with all of us.

The movie was just finished when Tommy’s phone rang. We all knew it was Drew. Emmett gave Tommy a wicked grin. “Hey, Tommy, be extra careful talking to that hot woman of yours. I would hate for you to shoot your eye out.”

Tommy turned bright red and stormed out of the room. Bella was rolling on the floor laughing with tears streaming down her face. She finally caught her breath long enough to say, “Em, that was excellent.”

“Thank you, my dear. Happy to be of service,” he said, bowing to her.

Everyone cleaned up their mess and decided to head to bed. Bella insisted on leaving milk and cookies out for Santa.

“You do realize there is no Santa, right?” I asked.

“Of course I do, silly. I leave cookies and milk out every year. It’s another tradition. Christmas Eve just isn’t complete without it. Charlie always indulges me and eats the cookies and drinks the milk.”

I pulled her into a tight hug. “Bella, you never stop surprising me. I fall in love with you more every day.”

“Good. I gotta do something to make sure you stick around,” she teased.

“My dear, you are stuck with me forever.”

I wanted Christmas to be perfect, so I decided to take a sleeping pill. I was so exhausted that the pill was enough to completely knock me out for the night. I didn’t dream that night, and it was a huge relief. I woke up the next morning completely refreshed. Bella was already awake and was tracing patterns into my arm.

“Merry Christmas, beautiful,” I said before gently kissing her lips.

“Merry Christmas, Edward.”

She quickly turned my chaste kiss into a needy, passionate one. I pulled her on top of me and let my hands start to roam down her side. My hand was starting to slide under her top when our door burst open.

“Merry Christmas! You two need to get up and come downstairs. Esme already has breakfast ready. I want to open presents.” Alice was an evil little pixie.

“Alice, you are such a buzz kill,” Bella whined.

“Sister dear, I was having no problems getting up until you came into the room. Thanks for ruining my Christmas morning,” I scowled.

“Ew, gross,Edward. I really didn’t need that in my head. Thanks a lot,” she said sarcastically as she left our room.

“Sorry about her, love.”

“No worries. We really do need to go downstairs. Come on, lover boy.” Bella pulled me off the bed and headed toward the door. We always opened presents in our pajamas. Alice and Emmett weren’t patient enough to wait for everyone to shower and dress.

Everyone was gathered in the living room waiting for us so we could open presents. Bella and I took our time getting a cup of coffee and a bagel before we finally sat down.

“Took you two long enough to get down here. Was little Eddie wishing Bella a Merry Christmas?” Emmett teased.

Bella’s face turned bright red. I threw a pillow and nailed Emmett in the face with it. “No, you jackass. I was sleeping. Some of us are adults here and don’t wake at the crack of dawn to see if Santa thought we were good this year.”

“That’s enough, boys. Alice, why don’t you start passing out everyone’s gifts,” Esme suggested.

Alice joyfully jumped up and had gifts passed out to everyone within five minutes. Was she on speed this morning? Everyone started frantically ripping paper off of presents.

Emmett was restoring a 1977 Pontiac Firebird Trans Am, so he received a lot of parts and accessories he still needed. Alice, of course, received a ton of clothes and gift cards. Carlisle received various articles of clothing and a few new medical journals. I loved watching Esme open gifts. She looked at each one like it was a new treasure. She received a lot of jewelry, a few clothing pieces, and a few new books she had been wanting.

My family bought gifts for Charlie and Tommy. They wanted them to realize they were as much a part of our family as Bella. Charlie received a lot of fishing gear. Tommy received a lot of clothes and CDs. Emmett couldn’t let the day pass without torturing the poor kid further. He apparently gift wrapped a box of condoms. I expected Tommy to get upset over the gift, but Tommy surprised me with his response. “Gee, Em, I never knew you felt that way. Sorry to tell you, but you aren’t my type. I don’t swing that way.” I had no clue how he said all that without cracking a smile.

“No way, man. I don’t bat for the same team either. I just wanted to make sure you were covered when you got home. The frustration oozing from your pores is enough to make the whole house uncomfortable.”

Tommy winced. “Thanks for your concern man, but it isn’t necessary. I’ve only been dating Drew for a month, and we aren’t even close to needing these.”

“I was a boy scout and had it drilled into my head to always be prepared.”

Bella laughed at Emmett’s statement. “What’s so funny, love?”

“I just can’t picture Emmett as a boy scout. It’s too funny.” We all laughed and continued to open our gifts.

My family gave me some CDs, clothes, and books. Bella was showered with clothes, jewelry, and shoes. She graciously thanked everyone for their thoughtful gifts, and I could tell she was uncomfortable receiving such expensive gifts from my family. She needed to get used to it, though. She was a part of this family, and there was no reining them in when it came to Christmas.

I was so nervous when I handed Bella her gift from me. I hoped she would love it. She cautiously removed the paper and turned it over to find a signed first edition of Pride and Prejudice. On the first page was written “For my father” and Jane Austen’s signature. I couldn’t believe it when Mr. Jones from the book shop in Forks called and told me about this book. I had given him my phone number and asked him to call me if he came across any first editions of Bella’s favorites. I paid quite a bit for it, but it was well worth it when I saw Bella’s eyes light up when she saw her gift.

“Oh, Edward, this is amazing. How did you find it?” She carefully studied the book in her hands.

“I had Mr. Jones keep an eye out for first editions of your favorite books. Open it and look it over, love.” I was anxious to see her reaction to the inscription and signature.

She gasped. “Edward, this is too much. You must’ve paid a fortune for it.”

“It was worth every penny. Seeing your beautiful face light up like that is worth all that I own. I’m glad you like your gift.” I gently kissed her lips.

“Edward, I love it! It’s time for you to open your gift from me,” she said nervously.

I couldn’t fathom why she would be so nervous about her gift to me. I tore into the paper and found a plain brown box. I quickly opened it and pulled out a red leather book with a heart on the front. There wasn’t a title on the cover or spine. I opened it to find handwritten pages. The first page was dated April 28, 2005, and I realized it was Bella’s journal. Why would she give me this? I quickly closed it and reached back into the box. I pulled out a Wicked journal and a Mickey Mouse journal.

“I don’t understand. Why did you give me your journals?”

Bella looked at her hands in her lap and started fidgeting. “I thought you would like to read them. You are supposed to open your life to me and tell me about your parents and how the accident made you feel. I thought this would be a way to open myself to you,” she shrugged.

I pulled Bella into my lap and wrapped my arms tightly around her. “Bella, this is an amazing gift. I can’t believe you trust me enough to know all of your thoughts, worries, and fears. I can’t begin to put into words what this means to me.” I placed light kisses on her forehead, eyes, and finally ending on her lips.

Bella and Esme spent the rest of the morning cooking Christmas dinner. I took Bella’s journals to our room and started reading. It was excruciating to read the pain she was in when she first moved in with Charlie. She blamed herself for everything that happened to her mom. The kids at school were cruel to her. They didn’t care why she acted the way she did. All they knew was that she was different. Of course, kids in high school only know how to torment anyone who’s different.

I couldn’t hold back the tears when I read that she wanted to die at one point. Amy had been particularly cruel to her the last week of school. Bella had already been pushed to her limit from lack of sleep. Amy took every opportunity to make fun of Bella, trip her, or humiliate her in front of the school. The last day of school every student would call her “freak” or “sugar.” I couldn’t believe her classmates couldn’t see the hurt they were causing her.

The last entry before Bella attempted to end her life was her tear-stained suicide note.

Mom’s death was my fault and I can’t take living with the pain of that truth any longer. I should’ve been the one James killed, not her. Please forgive me for taking her away from you. I was such a selfish and horrible daughter for running when she needed me most. Please forgive me, Mom.

The next entry was Bella explaining what stopped her suicide attempt. She was on her way to her bathroom to pull out her razor when Tommy came home. He saw the defeated look in her eyes and refused to leave her alone. He finally talked some sense into her. The following Monday she started therapy five days a week. She was determined to get better and start the new school year a changed person.

That was the hardest thing I ever had to read. I had to put her journal down and try to compose myself. My angel was hurt more than I ever knew. Someone had to be looking out for her in heaven. I wonder if my mom had been that person. Had she kept Bella alive all these years knowing that we were meant to find each other? I found a peaceful comfort thinking that.

I looked at my clock and realized it was already four. Dinner would be ready soon. I went to the bathroom and cleaned my face before I headed down to join the family. I smiled when I saw Bella leaning on the counter talking with Mom, Alice, and Rose.

“Hello, ladies. I’m starving. How long before dinner’s ready?” I kissed Esme on her cheek before I kissed Bella.

“Just ten more minutes. We’re waiting for the rolls to brown. Why don’t you let the other guys know so they can start wrapping up whatever they are doing?”

“No problem.”

I gathered the guys and we made our way to the dining room. The food was excellent as usual. Some things were a little different, so I assumed Bella had added her own touch to a few things. It made me smile. I loved the way she was incorporating her flair into everything. Once dinner was done the guys took care of clean up duty while the women headed to the living room to relax. We worked together and had everything cleaned up in thirty minutes. I think that was a record for us.

I grabbed Bella’s hand and pulled her off the couch. “We’re heading to bed. Night everyone and Merry Christmas.”

Everyone wished us a Merry Christmas and waved up the stairs. I was anxious to get to our room. I had so much to talk to Bella about.

I led Bella to the bed and closed and locked the door behind us. I didn’t want any interruptions.

“Why Mr. Cullen, do you plan on giving me a naughty Christmas gift now?” she asked, raising her eyebrow.

“Bella, while I would love nothing more than to be naughty, there are other things I want to talk about.” I sat next to her on the bed and grabbed her hands.

“You started reading, didn’t you?” She dropped her head and stared at our hands.

“Yes, love, I did. I didn’t understand why you gave me journals at first, but after reading just one page I understood. I’m so glad you decided to share everything with me. It killed me to know how you felt. I wish I could’ve been in your life at that time. I would’ve never let any of those kids you went to school with talk to you or treat you that horribly. I can’t believe there are people that callous in this world.” I gently stroked her cheek.

Bella lifted her head, and tears were spilling down her cheeks. “Edward, I love you with all my heart and I want you to understand me completely. This was the easiest way I could think of to let you know the real me. I don’t think I could’ve actually told you everything that was in those journals without breaking down.”

“I haven’t gotten very far, but just the few pages I have read made me understand you in a different way. I’m eager yet reluctant to finish reading each journal. I want to know everything about you, but at the same time it hurts me so much to know how much you were suffering. I don’t ever want you to feel that hopeless ever again. I want you to promise me that you will always come to me and talk to me if you ever feel that way. I will promise you that I will always listen to what you have to say and never judge you or berate you for what is going on in that pretty head of yours. Deal?”

She took in a deep, ragged breath and slowly lifted her head. “I promise, Edward. Can we talk about you now? You now hold the key to every dark little secret about me. Are you ready to tell me about your parents and their accident?”

I leaned my head back and pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger. “Yes, Bella, I am. Can we get changed into our pajamas first? We could be talking for quite a while, and I want us to be comfortable if we happen to drift to sleep.”

Bella agreed, and we both changed and cleaned up for bed quickly. I was sitting on the bed leaning against the headboard when she joined me. I pulled her close to me and took a deep breath.

“I lived a great life from birth. My father, Edward Sr., was a lawyer and my mother, Elizabeth, was a stay at home mom. They made sure we spent every moment possible as a family. My father passed on a lot of huge cases because they would take time away from his family. I loved my parents dearly. They were my whole world.”

I was trying to hold back the tears. It took me a minute to compose myself before I was able to continue.

“It was a Friday night, and we were on our way home from our usual family night out. We had just finished eating at my favorite restaurant after catching a movie. It was late and the roads were wet. I was whining because I wanted to stop for ice cream. My father glanced back at me for just a moment and missed that a car was heading straight for us. The car had run the red light and hit us head on going 75 miles per hour.”

I continued to tell her the story about the driver and meeting Carlisle in the hospital. That was the only good thing to come from that night. She was in tears by the time I had finished with the story.

“It still hurts to think about it. I should’ve died in that car with them. They were young and had so much life left to live. I never could understand why God would take my parents away from me and allow me to live. It was so unfair.” I dropped my head into my heads and openly wept.

Bella cradled me in her arms and ran her fingers through my hair. How did I get so lucky to deserve such an angel?

“Edward, I’m so grateful that you survived. You’ve made my life bearable. Hell, you’ve made me want to live my life again. I would hate to know what would happen to me if you weren’t here to keep me grounded.”

“Bella, I think you’re right. I would fall asleep every night wondering, “why me?” Why was I so important that I had to live? After meeting you and falling irrevocably in love with you, I have come to realize that you are the reason I survived. I was destined to meet you, and we were destined to save each other.” I lifted my head and kissed her lips.

“Thank you so much, brave knight, for saving me from myself,” Bella teased.

“Anything for my fair maiden,” I replied.

I lay on my side and pulled Bella next to me. I cupped her cheek and kissed her softly. She quickly responded and our tongues met in a fevered kiss. Our hands were roaming as our mouths moved in sync when there was a knock on our door. I reluctantly pulled away from Bella and let out a frustrated sigh.

“Yes?” I called out.

“Hey, Bells, can I come in?” Tommy asked.

I got up, unlocked the door, and let Tommy in. I quickly joined Bella back on the bed.

“What’s up, little brother?”

“Apparently we missed giving you a gift earlier. I found it at the bottom of the bag we had the presents from home in.” Tommy handed Bella a small box about the size of a paperback book. Bella carefully unwrapped it and found a note attached to the top of the box. She read the note and started taking gasping breaths.

“What’s wrong, love?” Bella couldn’t answer. She was hyperventilating. I started stroking her cheek and begging her to slow her breathing down. She finally regained control and started crying.

I grabbed the note from her hands and read it.

Rose are red, violets are blue, Know that I am always watching you

I took the box from Bella and found a single black rose inside.

How the hell did that bitch get this here? Tommy said it came from his house. Somehow Victoria was able to get into the house in Forks. No way. Could it be that simple and diabolical at the same time? Was Drew really Victoria?